Yes. Yes, it HAS been a while...

Where to start...

Well...

My friend Brittany from Jacksonville, FL came and visited me for a short 5 days. It was a good time. We got out and saw a lot of animals and visited a lot of galleries and the Wildlife Museum. It was nice having some company again. I wish people could come out and visit more often.

It's getting closer and closer to leaving time. I'm getting really excited to go and set forth on this journey of mine.

I even bought a new car for the occasion!



That's my new baby! A 2001 Pontiac Aztek. 128,000 miles, first car I've owned that has AC that actually works. Power everything. Very nice! I love it. I go back to Salt Lake on Monday to pick it up.

But in unrelated news..... ah I don't know.. I'm drawing a blank.

I've been doing really well lately. Like I said, I'm getting really excited to go on this road trip. It should be a really good time visiting friends and new places.

I'm not sure if anything else worth noting has been going on. I guess I'd remember it if that were the case.

Keep it real my homies.

T-Dogg

I'm sure I could go talk to many elders and they would all say the same thing.
They would all tell me that I am too young to be able to find myself and my way in life.
But, I still feel that it is time to start trying.
I'm not expecting it to just jump out and hit me in the face.
But I'm ready to find a place where I fit in.
A place where people aren't going to take what I do for them for granted.
A place where people actually want me to be.

The only problem is that I have no idea where to start.

I've been looking in all of the wrong places.
All that I needed has been with me for a long time.
There is only one place I can go from here.
Onward to peace and happiness.
Onward to you...

:)

A Repost from Dec.

From my ashes I will rise.

Rise to become more powerful than before.

I can take the adversity.

I can take the challenges.

I will feel destroyed at times.

But I know the secret.

The secret of life, strength.

I am who I am.

Feel what I feel.

Do what I do.

You can slow me down,

But never stop me.

For I always rise,

Rise with more power and strength.

With that I am invincible.

I will be remembered.

I will be the greatest...

And as the trail wound closer to home, they decided without words to slow down so the walk would take longer. There was still so much to talk about, but so little time in the world to do so. Neither wanted to go home, and they ended up trailing off to the gazebo to sit with each other and talk longer. Maybe ten yards from this destination, did it start to rain. And not just sprinkle a few drops here and there, but really rain. It was as though God himself was trying to rinse the world of the impurities that congregated.

The quick dart the soon followed the first sheets of rain, put the two in each other arms. And they sat in the gazebo, his arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder as though that’s where it was molded to belong. For once, they were silent. The only sound was that of the rain drops dancing ferociously on the rooftops as if they were taking cues from the two's hearts that we racing feverishly underneath the calm surface of their loving bodies.

Spontaneity kicked in and without a word she knew that he wanted to play in the rain. They ran out like children and started dancing in the rain, kicking up every puddle that stood in their way. She darted into the trees, grabbing one after another with outstretched arms, letting the momentum that was her fun glide her in circles around every tree. Right hand, left hand. He stopped and stared and the beauty in that was playing in the trees. So pure, so innocent, so free. She was almost in heaven. Twirling throughout the trees as though it was her kingdom.

Quietly he begin to pursue her. Making sure she couldn't see him coming. A full circle with a tree in her right hand, he knew that one from the left was next. And he stepped next to the tree he knew she would grab. And half way around her turn she met and stopped in her tracks by the warmth of his lips on hers.

And there they stood, lost in time, the rain, but more importantly, each other. Transfixed by the warm drops of rain as they stood exchanging warm, soft, moist kisses that were the only thing left to be said. No words could sum up what they had felt between each other. And all that was left was to let sheer emotion get the best of them. Thus, the start of something beautiful was created in a time when the world was being cleansed, creating something pure beyond our perspectives.

Something that will last forever...

With everything I've ever done
I'd give it all to everyone
For one more day
Another night I'm waking through
Another door I walk into I can't break
And it's a winding road
And it's a long way home
So don't wait
For someone to tell you it's too late
Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives
I count the steps
The distance to
The time when it was me and you
It's so far gone
Another face,
Another friend,
Another place,
Another end,
But I'll hang on
And it's a winding road
And it's a long way home
So don't wait
For someone to tell you it's too late
Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Yeah, let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives
Rest of our lives
And it's a winding road
It's a long way home
So don't wait
For someone to tell you it's too late
Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of it
Don't wait
Cause no one can tell you it's too late
Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Yeah, let's make the best of tonight
We'll make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives

Sometimes I think I pass you walking on the street and i believe it
Sometimes I think I see you looking back at me.. now i see it
everything you feel
saying what is real
Don't go away
say you'll stay until the morning light
Don't fade away into gray
standing in the light
I lie awake at night and never sleep to watch you breathing
I tried to smile and laugh as you turned away but I was bleeding
Everything I feel
I make believe is real
Don't go away
say you'll stay until the morning light
Don't fade away into gray
standing in the light
sometimes I think I pass you walking on the street and I believe it
sometimes I think I see you looking back at me.. now I see it
Don't go away
say you'll stay until the morning light
and Don't fade away into gray
standing in the light
Don't go awaysay you'll stay until the morning light
and Don't fade away into gray
standing in the light...

Yeah, I'm doing okay.
I'm getting by.
I'm having fun and meeting new people.
I'm eating, working out, and saving money.
I'm smiling and laughing.
I'm writing a lot and finding myself.
I'm getting really excited about the upcoming month :)
And the rest of my future for that matter.
I've found someone that right now that makes me smile.
Makes me laugh.
Makes me happy.
But she's too far away.
And as of now, I'm still alone.
I'm learning new things.
I'm making people smile again.
I'm doing things for other people.
I'm making a name for myself.
I'm feeling attractive again.
I'm liking myself again.


But the bottom line is, I miss you and my best friend.
And always will...

I always will...

Re: To be a kid again...(three posts down)/ Part Three..

Read the previous three posts or so, starting with the one titled "To be a kid again..." before you read this...



Re reading this post, I think I finally put a finger on what the point to it was.

This little boy went out of his way to give me a piece of garbage really. But in his eyes it was a masterpiece. Thus, it was in my mind too.

Point is, if none of us really grew up at heart and still drew pictures for other people and went out of our way to make another person smile but just once a day, what kind of world would that create? (Quite the run-on huh Britt?)

Throw out all of the fears in everyday life that the media has created.
If you sit down and think about the effect that one smile can do, its almost mind boggling.

If one boy went out of his way to draw pictures on a place mat for a complete stranger, just to give him something to show that they have the same name, think about the possibilities that grown adults would be able to conceive.

Paying for someones dry cleaning, or stopping to say Hi to one person you see everyday but never talk to.

This past Christmas, one man, ONE, bought the coffee of the person behind him at a starbucks and set off a chain reaction of the next 350 people doing the same gesture. ONE person, created a dinner time story that brightened the day of not only the direct 350 people, but everyone person connected to one of the 350 who got a free cup of coffee.

The real point is, that if one person sets off the reaction, ultimately millions of people will unknowingly produce and spread smiles to those around them.

If someone went out of their way to make you smile, it will be with you the rest of the day. And since it's always with you, you may very well be smiling the rest of the day because of it. If you are smiling you are automatically giving the people around you, not only a reason but, the permission to do the same. So, unknowingly, you have liberated the souls of others who will unknowingly spread the same seed to others. It's an unstoppable, uncontrollable, unexplainable phenomenon


Make someone smile today..

Part two...

Don't read part two until you've read part one...


Does the beauty in life vanish when our worlds and hearts are shattered?
Many people would agree so.
So many of us lose the motivation to seek out the beauty in life when we’ve lost.
So many of us lose the courage to get up in the morning and go on with our lives.
No courage to put ourselves in situations to be able to see what else there is in the world.
We fail to force ourselves to move on and see a sunset or a sunrise.
We fail to open the windows and hear the songs of the morning birds.
Why though?
Why do we stop seeing the beauty in life?
Is it because it reminds of us of what we’ve had and lost?
What we had, we have.
What we were, we are.
Everything in our past is what made each of us who are we today.
Why don’t we listen to the songs and get lost in the stars and not think about a hurtful past?
But instead, why don’t we think about how everything will look in the future?
Day dream about what could happen under the stars or what amazing sunsets you could share with somebody.
Instead of forever remembering the hurt in loss that every day beauties remind us of, we need to look back and thank those who hurt us for making us the people we are today.
In reality, nothing is more important than today.
We aren’t promised anything, not even the rest of today.
That’s why I hate making plans so long in the future.
I hate when people take things for granted and live everyday as though tomorrow will be the same.
It’s just as easy that there will not be a tomorrow than if there is a tomorrow for you.
If something makes you happy, don’t throw it away with the thought that it may one day not.
Work towards dreams and goals, but don’t make it everything in life, because it’s not.
If all we do is work towards our future then we pass up so many little things that we will one day regret not taking time to learn about.
Accidents happen.
We lose people.
Lose loved ones.
Lose them to cancer and accidents.
Heart attacks and diseases.
The list is endless.
Why do we take for granted what is in our life every day?
The sad thing is, we all do it.
Every one of us.
And really nothing is going to change that unless a tragic event happens to any particular person.
I know I’m guilty of this.
I’m lucky though that nothing really tragic has happened to me.
Or am I?
Maybe it would be better for me if something were to happen to me.
I rather it happen to me so I can put my life into perspective than losing a loved one.
Maybe because something horrific hasn’t happened to me I am unfortunate.
Ask anyone who has had something catastrophic happen to them, that it changed their life forever.
At first, probably for the worst.
But then it more than likely helped them realize what was really important in life.
And to know what is important in life is to have a gift.
We go through our entire life trying to figure out what is most important to us.
And it’s rarely before an old age, before death, that we begin to figure out what mattered most in life.
And by then its almost certainly too late to pass it down to younger loved ones.
Even if we get a chance to, the ones that haven’t figured it out yet will never lose the ignorance that is learning about life.
Throughout our entire lives, elders give us advice about what to do and where to go in life and what to hang on to.
But until we are in their shoes and at that rightful age, we never truly understand what our elders were trying to tell us.
So though we try to pass on advice or stories, the truth is, the younger generations will not grasp the helpfulness in them.
Ever.
Which is actually another phone part of life.
Though it can be frustrating for younger loved ones to not listen, it’s a phase of life we all have to go through.

Part one..

The blank paper stares back at me in mockery.
The few words that are scattered across the page
In what is a lame excuse for a thought,
Only add insult to injury.
Like it’s almost better to not have started writing.
No flow.
No rhythm.
No subject.
No body.
No purpose.
What quantity of thoughts my mind fabricates,
More than lacks in diversity.
You can’t write, Tucker.
You have no more Passion.
No Creativity.
No Words.
No Motivation.
No Will.
The words are laughing like a voice in a Haunted Halloween house.
Is that because I’m haunted?
Come to think of it, maybe.
Not maybe, yes.
I’m haunted every second of every day.
But, we all are.
Who doesn’t wake up in the morning or fall asleep at night thinking about some regret they’ve had in life?
I write these words in search of an answer.
But these are my words, and I have no answer.
So why am I writing to find one?
What is could possible stick out and give me an answer?
Hell, I don’t even know what answer I’m looking for.
Is there even an answer?
An answer to what though?
Love?
Loss?
Happiness?
Life?
Death?
No.
There can’t be.
If there is then it’s not your question to be answered, is it?
If I have a question that doesn’t have an answer, is that even a question?
What else would it be, Tucker?
I don’t know. Does anyone?
Probably not.
Or is that why we live life?
In search f those answers?
Maybe, but how do we know if we’ve found them if they don’t have an answer?
Or maybe they do have an answer.
But since, it’s not a universal answer, we have nothing to compare our findings to.
Someone told me that only consistent thing in life is change.
Why do we change though?
What makes us love, only to throw it away?
What makes us want to gain what we know we’ll lose?
And conversely, lose what we’ve gained so we can gain something new?
Why are we never contempt with filling our cups of life?
Is it the desire to better ourselves?
It has to be, Tucker.
But when do we know when we have all that we deserve?
We don’t. We can’t. Otherwise it’s like life has been put into our hands.
We would have no passion to get more than what we’re told.
No creativity to work around the adversity that life throws at us.
No motivation to better our current situation.
No will to better our lives.
Tucker, this whole this is stupid.
Why are you even writing this?
You told yourself that it’s not going to teach you anything.
So it can’t teach anyone else anything.
This entire thing is a mockery of poetry, Tucker
Stop this.
But never stop wondering.
There is so much to wonder about.
An infinite number, really.
Infinite isn’t a number though.
It’s an expression.
An expression to say that numbers are never ending.
But how else can we begin to fathom infinity if we didn’t give it a word.
We can’t imagine infinity. We have nothing to try and compare it to.
But by trying to put a label on something that doesn’t exist so that we can try to comprehend it, almost eliminates what was really there in the first place.
It isn’t as pure now.
By placing the word infinity for the fact that it lasts forever, we forget that it really does.
But nothing lasts forever, or so I’m told.
What makes love an exception?
You can ask anyone who is happily married that love lasts forever.
But, at the same time, experts in every field say that nothing lasts forever.
If love is the one thing that lasts forever and stands above all things,
Does that make it the answer?
Is love what drives our desire to better ourselves and those around us?
Is it love that makes us want to become more successful?
Is it love that can ease the pain of loss and death?
Is it the want to love and be loved in return that fuels our universe?
Do the sun, moon, and stars appear in rotation to give us motivation to try and compare what we are feeling to something in the universe?
Do birds sing the melodies that our hearts put forth when we are in love?
Or do we see the beauty in these everyday things because we are in love?


To be continued...

To be a kid again..

The imagination and mindset of a child is a wonder that no one will ever understand. Yet, it is one of the purest things on this earth. The imagination of a child is so creative, so intuitive, so free, so living, so loving, so involved.

I'm not a religious person, not yet at least. But someone once told me that they believe that angels spoke through the laughter of children and infants. That whenever they are smiling and laughing, you cannot help but smile yourself, no matter what mood you are in. I'm yet to find that untrue. I just wish what these "angels" were/are trying to say...

I only bring this up because today while I was folding napkins at work and thinking about everything that was going on, I wasn't in the best of moods. A family of three came back from dinner and immediately their 5 year old son came walking towards me.

"I have something for you!" he had proclaimed with the proudest smile a kid his age would ever be able to conjure.
"Oh, yeah? Well let's see it!" I couldn't quite figure out what the folded up piece of paper was. But as I opened it, for some god given reason, I couldn't help but start to have tears well up in my eyes.

As I unfolded it, the little boy looked at me with the eyes of a child seeing his living room on Christmas morning. I looked at the paper, and had to hold back a little chuckle. All it was was a child's word find from Bubba's restaurants. You know, one you used to color and stuff while you were waiting for your food.

I looked back at the boy and thanked him and he still had such a pure, golden, proud smile. I finally looked at his parents and asked with my eyes 'Why?' their kid had given me this.

"Because you both have the same name," the told me in unison.

Because we had the same name.

This young boy went out of his way to draw me pictures and try and find words, which he could not. With green crayon the most random letters were circled and squared in no way resembled any of the words he was supposed to find. Yet, in his mind, in his imagination, he did perfectly on this puzzle. He was so proud that he made me this piece of paper. This little boy went out of his way to make this for me. For me! Just because we had the same name...

I really don't know where I'm going with this post. I wish I had a point to this..

All I really know, is that when this boy gave me his word puzzle, I really felt lifted. I don't know if that's what angels do or anything, or if that is a god or higher power talking to me, but I felt lifted. I don't know how else to put it. I don't really know why I wrote this, but I felt compelled to. I know most of this doesn't make any sense.

I don't know why, but this piece of paper will stay with me for a long time...

I don't know...

:)

:):):):) :D

I CAN NOT WAIT!!!